EUPHEMISM TRANSLATION ____________________________ ________________________________________________ 40ish 52 and looking for 25-year old Affectionate Needy, and looking for mother figure Aging child Self-centered adult Ambitious Ruthlessly exploits people Appreciates quality But expects someone else to pay for it Artist Unreliable Athletic Sits on the couch and watches ESPN Beautiful Spends a lot of time in front of mirrors Disease-free Up to date on mumps vaccinations Down to earth Petty and vindictive Educated Will always treat you like an idiot Elegant Dripping with costume jewelry Employed Part-time job stuffing envelopes at home Enjoy life's pleasures Overindulged, spoiled brat Enjoy long walks Car has been repossessed Enjoy moonlit nights Can't pay the electric bill Excited about life's journey No concept of reality Expressive Being sued for libel Fashionably thin Emaciated, with sharply jutting hipbones Financially secure Has $5 in the bank Flexible Desperate Free Spirit Substance abuser Friendship first As long as friendship involves nudity Fun Good with a remote and a six pack Fun-loving Expects to be entertained Gentle Comatose Good sense of humor Watches a lot of television Gourmet cook Can just about manage microwaving frozen dinners High standards Blind to own flaws, unforgiving of others' Honest Pathological liar Independently wealthy Owns millions of worthless dotcom options Internet entrepreneur Big-time spammer Intuitive Your opinion doesn't count Irreverent Nasty and lacking basic social skills Life of the party Poor impulse control Likes to cuddle Insecure, overly dependent Marriage minded A bigamist Moody Manic-depressive Nontraditional Ex-wife lives in the basement Old-fashioned Lights out, missionary position only Openminded Desperate Outgoing Loud Passionate Loud Perfect Has mastered the art of self-delusion Physically fit Still breathing Poet Boring manic-depressive Professional Owns a white button-down Reliable Shows up on time, give or take 3 hours Resourceful Calls the super to fix a leaky faucet Self-employed Jobless Sophisticated Spends afternoons at Woolworth's perfume counter Soulful Quiet manic-depressive Spiritual Involved with a cult Spiritually evolved Subject to delusions and fainting spells Spontaneous Picks his nose at traffic lights Spontaneous/Eclectic Scatterbrained Stable Occasional stalker, but never arrested Stylish Slave to every fad that comes down the pike Successful Won $10 in the lottery once Sultry/Sensual Easy Swarthy Sweaty even when cold or standing still Thoughtful Says "Please" when demanding a beer Unaffected and earthy Slob and lacking basic social skills Uninhibited Lacking basic social skills Very human Quasimodo's best friend Wants Soulmate One step away from stalking Writer Once scribbled on a bathroom stall Youthful Over 40, and trying to deny it